Well, I don’t think it is, but Anna Jarvis certainly did.

I know what you’re thinking: “Did she hate her mom or something?” Quite to the contrary, she loved her mother so much that she campaigned a long time to make it a public holiday. After years of hard work, President Wilson declared it so in 1914.

So, why did she turn a full 180 degrees and, along with her sister, spent their entire family fortune campaigning against the holiday up until her death?

She put it best in her obituary,

“A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment!”

She has a point. I think mother’s day is a bit too commercialized. But, what isn’t? In a way, being able to send a card or call our moms once a year lets us feel a lot less guilty about not being as in touch with our mom as much as we’d like to.

Question to the readers

• Do you agree with Anna Jarvis’ reaction to Mother’s Day?
• Do you think Mother’s Day is a way for us to feel less guilty about not appreciating our mothers enough?

There’s been a bit of a delay since my last post… the response was overwhelming and I’m still responding to the comments. I’m happy to see that my blog is off to a good start

There was a lot of discussion about a father’s participation in the birth of his child. The discussion from the last post has really encouraged me to take part in it (thanks everyone for all your advice and opinions!)

Since the post, I’ve put some thought toward other birthing traditions and rituals. I remembered a time that I had heard of a while ago about a tribe in the Amazon that traditionally sent its women into the jungle to give birth. Talk about getting back to nature. It took some work, but I did find a blog post on it.

I ran this idea by my wife: she was not a fan.

Questions to the readers:

• Do you know of any childbirth traditions? (Both quaint and bizarre are appreciated!)
• Would you go (or send your partner) into jungle to give birth alone? (I think this question will be a no brainer)

In mid-April, the British Daily Mail published an opinion written by Michel Odent, a renown obstetrician. In the opinion, Dr. Odent argues that the delivery room is no place for a husband. Not only is the father’s presence unneeded, it also is a hinderance to his wife’s labor. As a result, a husband unwittingly increases the length and pain of the labor as well as the need for intervention. In addition, it also may cause negative psychological effects on the father.

Dr. Odent’s opinion in a nutshell

Dr. Odent has been involved in childbirth for 50 years and been in charge of 15,000 births. He notes a massive change in society about this issue between today and when he began. He attributes it to the small nuclear family and believes that it has become more of a doctrine, rather than a conscious well thought out decision. His opinion is based on his personal beliefs and experience rather than any scientific fact; he notes that there is a lack of scientific study on this subject in general.

(more…)

A few months ago I caught this post on the blog-o-sphere and I wanted to share it with you in this blog.

I enjoy articles that take a balanced view on issues and lay out clear pros and cons. Trent’s blog The Simple Dollar does this a lot, I strongly recommend it for anyone interested in taking control of their personal financial life.

In the article, Trent makes a cost/benefits analysis of having a child. Have a child has its rewards and sacrifices, and Trent points out that you should have a child if you are willing to make them. In the end, it’s a question of priorities. It’s not for everyone and he’s not afraid to point it out.

This article struck a cord with me as a father-t0-be. The idea of making a cost/benefit analysis of a child initially seemed wrong. But, then again, you don’t have a child for the sack of having a child or because others are doing it, you have a child because you want one.

Trent’s article reminded me that there needs to be balance in life between you, what you want, and others you share your life with. This articles underlines that being a parent is a big responsibility and, when possible, ought to be a planned event. By finding balance, you can ensure your children and yourself a higher quality of life than if you jumped into it without consideration.

At the time of writing this post, my wife is pregnant with our first child. It’s all new to us, so things can be awing, frustrating, strange, touching but usually a mix of all four.

Lying in bed on the weekend in the morning, K will sometimes place my hand on her belly. In my half conscious state, I feel the little one practicing the time honored martial art of Judo… or is it Capoeira? Or maybe just bar fighting…

Whatever it is, we feel it. It is one of the first and few tangible reminders that soon I’ll be a father. It really seems to drive it home to be that there’s really something growing in there.

Kinda crazy…

Can’t pick a winning name…

Every parent wants to have a positive influence on their child’s life and give them every advantage possible. On the first acts parents do for (or to) their child is give them a name, hoping it will lead them to success. In the book Freakonomics, the authors tell the story of Winner and Loser, sons of Robert Lane. Winner was first; Robert’s logic was simple: how can he fail with a name like that? Their seventh and last child was born a few years later and, for some reason, Robert thought Loser would be a good follow up to Winner.

So, if Winner was couldn’t fail, was it possible Loser to succeed? As it turned out, he did just that. Loser (or Lou to his colleagues) became a sergeant with the NYPD and Winner, well, he was not so successful with over dozens of violations on his criminal record from burglary to domestic violence and more. (more…)

Today it occurred to me that having a child will be the biggest change in my life. Wow…

I’m a strong believer in doing things with purpose. Having clear goals has tons of advantages and I believe that goal setting certainly is a “best practice”.

Here are the goals I want to achieve with this blog:

promote “best practices” among parents - My students will often as me how to say something in English giving me two options. Usually both are correct, but usually one is better and in turn, the best. The same is true in many aspects of life and I believe parenting is no exception. Through this blog, I want parents to become more aware of how they do things and continuously reevaluate how they could do them better, ultimately reaching the “best practice”.

(more…)

What makes it so good?

This is perhaps one of the most fascinating books I’ve ever read. Here are a few reasons why…

• shifts perspective - I like books that will make me think twice about the world. I love that convince me to a point of view. But, I absolutely adore books that rock the foundation of my thinking and force me to change the way I approach things. This is one of those books.
• re-examines “common wisdom” - How did it shift my perspective on things? It made me realize that “common wisdom” doesn’t exist: wisdom is anything but common.
• pushes the envelope - By questioning “common wisdom”, the authors end up pushing the envelope on traditional beliefs of society. Nothing can be more interesting in my opinion.

What I learned from this book:

That you can make a cost-benefits analysis of just about anything (that’s called “being an economist”) and that, if applied correctly, you can get startling results. What do you mean? (more…)

As an educator, I have noticed a curious phenomenon.

I often fully understand an idea only after I’ve taught it a few times. For example, as an EFL teacher, I often field questions about English grammar, word order, spelling, etc. Because I learned English as my native language, I do not have the strict grammatical knowledge a typical non-native teacher would have; in other words, I speak English intuitively, not formulaically.

When asked a question, I find out what “sounds right” and then work my way backwards to create my own rule. Even though I don’t always come up with a full-proof grammar rule, the exercise is useful in helping me gain a much better understanding of something that I previously felt I completely understood.

Perhaps most moving about this whole exercise is that it pushes me out of a comfort zone I naturally fall into where I feel I understand everything. There’s nothing like one of these to make you realize how little you really know. After all, if you can’t explain it, how well do you really know it?

In the hopes to replicate this success with parenting, I would like to “teach” you all how to be good parents. That way, I can more fully understand what really good parenting is and improve not only the lives of my readers, but also my own.